One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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