The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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