Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
