erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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