Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
