Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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