i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
