She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
