so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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