he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
