I accidentally had phone sex last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
