I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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