So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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