I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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