I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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