You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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