i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
