if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dont even know how to be here
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
