holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
