by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
