so that wasnt chicken after all
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
