Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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