I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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