Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
