you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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