There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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