Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you inspire me to be a worse person
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
