I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
