3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
false alarm. still invincible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need moral support for this bender
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
