should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize