You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
