So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
