The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
