He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
