she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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