I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
