He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
