yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
