So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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