I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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