What did we do last night that was yellow?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
