Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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