I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
