captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
