Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
