Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
