cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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