got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
