Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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