Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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