I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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