Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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