I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Houston, we have a squirter
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
