All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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