i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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