Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
