Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
