Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
