Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
