I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
