I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
