I will die if light touches me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
