It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
True strength comes from lack of pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
