Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
