the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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