Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
did you just send me my own nude
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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