After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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