She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
